Unit 3: Conciseness

Concise writing requires tremendous time and efforts. Hemingway spent almost two hundred times of revision on his manuscript before publishing The Old man and the sea. Not only literary writing takes time, so does academic writing. Because academic writing involves a considerable amount of professional knowledge, it may easily lose the main focus, thereby misleading readers, if you write with too many redundant words or your writing is too wordy in the explanation, research methods, discussion, and arguments. Therefore, writing concisely is beneficial for reducing miscomprehension.

How can we write concisely? We can begin with wordiness. What is wordiness? By definition, it means unnecessary information, semantic repetition, or unhelpful vocabulary and phrases. Therefore, using fewer but effective words and sentences to express complete meanings is the first step for writing conciseness. Here, we share five tips for writing concisely using both Chinese and English examples:

1.Remove redundant synonyms

To ensure your content more concise and avoid confusion caused by redundant modifiers, choose only one synonym to include it in the text. Take the Chinese sentence as an example:

火車正高速疾駛，像飛一樣轟隆隆迅猛而來。

The modifiers「高速」、「疾駛」、「像飛一樣」、「迅猛」in the sentence all convey a  similar meaning of “rapid”, making it redundant to use them together. Then, the sentence can be revised as one of the following:

火車正高速行駛，像飛一樣迅猛而來; 火車正高速行駛，轟隆隆地迅猛而來; 火車正轟隆隆地迅猛而來。

Let’s take a look at another example:

即將在 9 月上興櫃的星宇航空，昨日公布上半年財報，上半年營收 6.3 億元、稅後虧損 26.63 億元，累積虧損達 95.98 億元。不過星宇航空公 關長聶國維表示，隨著邊境開放，接下來還有新機報到，整體營運將有 明顯改善。 < 星宇累積虧近百億 估谷底已過 > 中時新聞網財經版。2022/8/16。

The phrase「上半年」(the first half of the year) is repeated in this passage without any reference to the second half, which may lead readers to expect information on second-half revenue. Keeping only the first mention will highlight the focus on first-half financials. A suggested revision is as follows:

即將在 9 月上興櫃的星宇航空，昨日公布上半年財報，(顯示)營收 6.3 億元、稅後虧損 26.63 億元，累積虧損達 95.98 億元。

Similary, we should also avoid repeating redundant synoyms in English academic writing. For example, in the sentence, “Bacteria and viruses are tiny microorganisms invisible to the naked eye,” the word “microorganisms” already suggests their microscopic feature. Therefore, using one of the descriptors (“tiny” or “invisible to the naked eye”) is sufficient. If these descriptors do not add meaningful detail, they can be omitted without changing the meaning. Using one precise word enhances both clarity and conciseness. Thus, the sentence can be revised as: “Bacteria and viruses are microorganisms”.

2. Eliminate repetitive information or phrases

Repeating the same words or phrases in a text can confuse or exhaust readers, disrupting their reading flow. To keep the text clear and engaging, retain only one instance and eliminate the others. Here’s an example:

8 月底台中市豐原區夜市將再少一座! 豐原太平洋夜市營業至 8/31 即熄 燈，未來不再續約，想要回味熟悉美味的朋友快把握最後機會前往! 台中繼人氣夜市「太原夜市」於今年 2 月底結束營業，位在豐原陽明街與 博愛街口的「太平洋夜市」已確定於 8 月底熄燈，未來原址將改建成大樓。 想回味那些乘載滿滿回憶的小吃，可要把握周三、周五擺攤機會前往。」 < 把握最後品嚐機會!台中豐原『太平洋夜市』8 月底熄燈 > 三立新聞網 名家版。2022/8/8。

This passage states that the Taipingyang Night Market in Fengyuan will close at the end of August. However, this location Fengyuan Taipingyang  Night Market is mentioned twice within the paragraph. To convey the important message while avoiding repetition, the sentence can be revised as follows:

8 月底台中市豐原區夜市將再少一座! 台中繼人氣夜市「太原夜市」於今 年 2 月底結束營業，位在豐原陽明街與博愛街口的「太平洋夜市」已確 定於 8 月底熄燈，未來原址將改建成大樓。想回味那些乘載滿滿回憶的 小吃，可要把握周三、周五擺攤機會前往。

Alternatively, delete the repeated information to make it more concise while preserving its original meaning.

8 月底台中市豐原區夜市將再少一座! 豐原太平洋夜市營業至 8/31 即熄 燈，未來不再續約，想要回味熟悉美味的朋友快把握最後機會前往!

Let’s take another example:

新北市的新泰塭仔圳市地重劃案如火如荼進行中，在工程全面推動的同 時，為了讓民眾可以了解重劃區內的過往，新北市地政局特別舉辦「塭 ㄟ故事館」特展，並於 23 日進行試營運，利用拆遷過程中留下的在地原 生鐵皮廠房，記錄農業至工廠的演變，及未來成為新北市中心的展望。」 < 寫下塭仔圳演變塭ㄟ故事館 8 月 23 日試營運 > 中時新聞網地方新聞版。 2022/8/17。

Note that the phrase 「在工程全面推動的同時」 in the second sentence essentially repeats the information from the previous sentence 「新北市的新泰塭仔圳 市地重劃案如火如荼進行中」. To improve conciseness, this phrase can be deleted, or partial information can be removed, if the goal is to emphasize both events – 進行中的工程 (the ongoing project) and 「塭ㄟ故事館」(Wen-un Story Museum). An alternative revision can be:

⋯⋯與此同時，為了讓民眾可以了解重劃區內的過往，新北市地政局特別舉辦「塭ㄟ故事館」特展。

This elimination of repetitive information can be applied in English academic writing. Let’s look at the example below:

“These strategies demonstrate the possibility that they may promote innovation.”

The phrase “demonstrate the possibility” and the modal verb “may” used in the sentence are redundant, as “may” already implies “demonstrate the possibility”. Removing “demonstrate the possibility” will make the sentence more concise.

“These strategies may promote innovation.”

3.Change double negatives to affirmatives

Double negatives may be used in certain academic areas, such as social sciences, particularly in data analysis section. For example, 「⋯⋯根據 SPSS 分析結果，我無法拒絕虛無假設。」 (Based on the SPSS results, I cannot reject the null hypothesis.) However, double negatives can lead to misunderstanding and make sentences difficult to read. Using affirmative statements is recommended for clearer communication. Thus, after presenting the data analysis results, a concluding summary could be phrased as follows:

根據本次調查的分析結果，並不足以支持/推翻假設，因此未來需要擴大樣本數、調查年齡、地區等近一步驗證

In English academic writing, avoiding unnecessary double negatives is also essential for clarity and reader comprehension. Here is an example:

“The result indicated that there was no insignificant difference between the two groups.”

This example mainly expresses the idea that there was significant difference between the two groups. But the double negatives in the sentence could confuse readers or require more time to understand the author’s main point. Using an affirmative statement would make the intended meaning clearer. Here’s a suggested revision:

“The result indicated that the two groups were significantly different.”

4.Combine sentences

Combining sentences is another way to reduce redundancy. Merging two or more sentences without changing meaning or main idea can effectively minimize unnecessary transitions and excessive information that could disrup understanding. Let’s look at the following example:

桃園市平鎮區環南路上，因台電施工重鋪柏油，但還沒有完全凝固，結 果大型吊車一開就陷下去，90 噸重的車動彈不得，專家評估要出動兩台 拖吊車，才有辦法移動。 < 柏油未乾! 90 噸吊車經桃園平鎮遭『路吃』>TVBS 新聞網社會版。 2022/8/12。

The sentence 「因台電施工重鋪柏油，但還沒有完全凝固」can be merged into:

因台電施工而重鋪的柏油尚未完全凝固

Alternatively, by consolidating the previous sentence, transitonal signals such as 『因』 and『但』 can be removed without altering the original meaning. The revision is as follows:

桃園市平鎮區環南路上的柏油，經台電重鋪尚未完全凝固

Here is another example:

新冠肺炎疫情爆發迄今已 2 年多，疫情大幅改變了人類社會。台灣曾在 去年 5 月進入三級警戒，近期疫情大爆發，確診人數居高不下。但意外 的是，疫情減少人與人之間的連結，讓因為出國、返國變得困難，國人 挾帶加熱菸入境機會減少，也導致加熱菸價格水漲船高，讓不少加熱菸 使用者開始大喊吃不消。 <菸消之戰3/疫情爆發難挾帶回台 加熱菸漲!比紙煙貴3倍 >Nownews 今日 新聞專題版。何哲欣、潘語綺報導。2022/6/23。

While there are no grammatical issues in these two Chinese sentences:「新冠肺炎疫情爆發迄今已 2 年多，疫情大幅改變了人類社會。」, they can be improved for conciseness as shown in this revision:

新冠肺炎疫情爆發迄今已 2 年多，大幅改變人類社會。

An alternative revision can be expressed as follows:

社會受迄今已 2 年多的新冠肺炎疫情影響，而有大幅變化。

To make text more concise in English academic writing, we can rephrase secondary or less central information into a subordinate clause. Consider the sample passage below:

“Married couples do not want to have children because they fear that they will lose personal freedom. Many married couples are both working.”

The first sentence explains why married couples may choose not to have children, whereas the second describes many as dual-income, implying the DINK (Double Income, No Kids) lifestyle. Since the sencond sentence supports the first, rephrasing it as an adjective clause and integrating it into the first sentence can avoid the choppiness of a standalone sentence while retaining the original meaning for a smoother flow. A possible revision is as follows:

“Married couples, many of whom are both working, do not want to have children because they fear that they will lose personal freedom.”

5. Rephrase or rearrange word orders within a sentence

Replacing vague words with specific language or rearrange word orders helps readers quickly and precisely understand the author’s intended meaning. Here are two examples.

Example 1:

對飼主而言，說寵物是最棒最暖心的家人，相信沒幾個人會反對，無論 是貓咪特立獨行的個性，或是小狗的忠心，對人們來說都是重要的心靈 寄託，而近日就有一段「老人與狗」的互動影片在網上流傳，暖心又難 得的內容融化眾多網友。 編輯:張志浩 / 編輯中心 / 綜合報導。< 奶奶累壞想坐下!白萌狗 「狂推猛拉」小板凳:我來保護妳 >NOWnews 今日新聞新奇版。 2022/8/12。

The phrase 「相信沒幾個人會反對」(few would disagree) in the sentence「對飼主而言，說寵物是最棒最暖心的家人，相信沒幾個人會反對」already implies 飼主 (pet owners), making the initial phrase 「對飼主而言」 redundant. It can be omitted for conciseness. The sentence can be revised to:

如果說寵物是最棒最暖心的家人，相信沒幾位飼主會反對。

Another possible revision might be:

對於大多數飼主而言，說寵物是「最棒最暖心的家人」不會引起反對。

Here’s the second example:

蘋果新機 iPhone 14 系列預計在 9 月發表會中登場，先前有消息傳出， iPhone 14 將成為最貴的一代 iPhone，售價可能比 iPhone 13 貴 100 美 元。不過，美國財經媒體新聞記者 Mark Gurman 取得最新消息指出，為 了銷量，蘋果可能會自行吸收成本，預期 iPhone 14 不會漲價，將維持與 iPhone 13 相近價位銷售。 < 果粉歡呼!他爆 iPhone14 升級不漲價 關鍵原因曝光 > 中時新聞網科 技版。2022/8/2。

This sentence excerpt「⋯⋯美國財經媒體新聞記者 Mark Gurman 取得最新消息指出，為 了銷量，蘋果可能會自行吸收成本，⋯⋯」can be rephrased for better flow by repositioning the prepositional phrase 「為了 銷量」 within the sentence「蘋果可能會自行吸收成本」. Here is the revised sentence:

⋯⋯美國財經媒體新聞記者 Mark Gurman 指出，蘋果可能會為了銷量自 行吸收成本，⋯⋯

Now, let’s look at an English example. In English academic writing, introductions often present relevant background knowledge from various perspectives. Appositives can be used to reorganize sentence structures when introducing people, events, or objects linked to research, effectively conveying multiple characteristics of a noun. Here’s an example:

Original: 

“Orexins are a group of neuropeptides. These neuropeptides modulate stress responses and sleeping behaviors.”

Both sentences describe different attributes of orexins – the first refers to their biochemical properties and the second explains their physiological functions. By using the appositive “a group of neuropeptides”, both sentences can be combined to concisely present both properties and mechanisms. Here is the revised version:

“Orexins, a group of neuropeptides, modulate stress responses and sleeping behaviors.”

To sum up, concise writing requires precision, using strong and effective words to replace redundant and lengthy sentences, achieving both clarity and conciseness. This unit focuses on rephrasing and restructuring sentences to eliminate redundancies. However, attention should be paid to ensuring overall logical structure and coherence, as over-simplification can undermine sentence unity. The following resources, encompassing English and Chinese websites and reference books, provide examples and insights to help students produce concise and impactful writing.

I. Chinese Writing Websites and Reference Books

1. The Independent Learning Centre, CUHK

• • Concise Introduction https://www.ilc.cuhk.edu.hk/Chinese/AWOnline/step5_intro.html
    This website, created by the Self-Learning Centre of The Chinese University of Hong Kong, offers both Chinese and English learning resources. The “Concise Introduction” section contains examples with word choice analysis, guiding students to follow the instructor’s logic and thinking process and learn how to write concise introductions by avoiding redundant details.

2. “From Words to Structure: A Guide to Academic Writing”
   • Chapter 6: Common Writing Blocks and Problems
     6.4 Redundancy
     6.5 Excessively lengthy modifiers or details

• • This book offers step-by-step guidance on academic writing, organized into three parts: “Planning and Preparing Writing”, “Structure of Academic Writing”, and “Grammar in Writing” across six chapters. Chapter 6 focuses on common writing challenges and issues. Through the examples and exercises in sections 6.4 and 6.5, students learn how to make their writing more concise.

 II. English Writing Websites and Reference Books

1. The Writing Center at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

• Writing Concisely https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/conciseness-handout/
• Writing Concisely – UNC Writing Center https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHgdvQYXQCk
• These two links are resources from The Writing Center at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, providing handouts and videos on “Writing Concisely” with practical examples to help learners improve their skills in concise writing.

2. The Elements of Style

• Elementary Principles of Composition
• This classic guide, authored by William Strunk Jr. and B. White, offers practical advice on clear and effective writing, including English grammar and usage rules and essential style principles. In Chapter 3, Rule 13. Omit needless words and Rule 14. Avoid a succession of loose sentences offer advices and examples for revising writing to eliminate unnecessary embellishment, ensuring clarity and conciseness.

3. Grammar Speaks
   Written by the AWEC instructor Chong-Hsien Chiou, in coordination with AWEC and published through the NTU Publishing Center, this book serves as a valuable grammar reference book for English academic writing. It is well-suited for students struggling with grammar, featuring practice exercises and real examples from academic papers to strengthen their understanding of grammar rules. The adjective clause example illustrated in Tip 4 “Combine Sentences” mentioned earlier is adapted from Chapter 8 – Adjective Clauses, in this book.